Pada suatu hari saya telah menghadiri sebuah mesyuarat yang turut dihadiri oleh wakil-wakil Perhubungan Awam dari beberapa buah syarikat dan agensi yang berlainan. Kebanyakan daripada mereka memang saya kenali kerana kami sering bekerja sama dalam pelbagai kempen sebelum ini termasuklah seorang wanita yang pertama kali saya temui kira-kira 5 tahun yang lalu.

Setelah mesyuarat berakhir, kami berbual-bual mengenai kerja dan rakan-rakan. Tetiba wanita tersebut memperlahankan suaranya hingga hampir berbisik. Saya menjadi suspen! Beliau nampak hantu di belakang saya kah? Atau ada rahsia kerajaan mahu di kongsi bersama saya kah?

Dengan penuh hati-hati wanita itu bertanya…. “Emm… You masih isteri orang?” Sungguh sopan santun beliau bertanya sambil menunjukkan ibu jarinya kepada saya ala-ala pelajar sekolah berpidato.

Oleh sebab saya sejak lahir lagi sudah dibesarkan dengan keadaan hiruk-pikuk dan jerit-pekik bak Tarzan meroyan, besar kemungkinan gegendang telinga saya sudah tersalah dengar suara yang perlahan itu. Lantaran saya pun bertanya.. “Aaa? Apa dia?”

“You masih isteri orang ke?”

Saya pitam tergolek-golek.

Sesudah saya sedar semula saya rasa macam nak pitam lagi tapi saya bersabar. Sesungguhnya saya sangat terpana dengan soalan itu. Semasa saya belajar di Universiti Malaya dahulu, sudah cukup banyak soalan peperiksaan yang saya tak dapat jawab kerana saya asyik berdating saja tetapi soalan yang saya hadapi kali ini memang tak tercapai dek akalku.

Lantas dengan sepantas kilat saya terus menyelakkan baju saya dan menunjukkan kepada beliau tahap keboboyotan perut saya yang berhias linea nigra dari ulu hati hati hingga ke ulu xxx! Takkanlah aku boyot camni ko ingat aku menjanda Cik Bedah? Pekik saya dengan mata terbeliak.

OK saya tipu. Itu imaginasi saya saja.

Sebecok-becok sepetah-petah mulut berbicara, saya hanya mampu menjawap “Ya!” sambil menganggukkan kepala sahaja. Selepas itu saya terus berlalu pergi sebelum saya pitam tergolek-golek lagi.

Dari dalam lif hingga ke dalam kereta hingga sampai ke rumah, saya terus bingung memikirkan soalan itu. Setahu saya, 5 tahun dulu wanita itu memang sudah pun menjadi MakJan. Jadi saya rasa beliau membuat andaian saya juga sudah mendapat title yang sama.

Adakah menjadi lumrah wanita-wanita cantik dalam bidang perhubungan awam suka bercerai-berai dan menjanda dalam usia muda? Jika tidak mengapakah wanita itu bertanya soalan sebegitu dengan penuh selamba?

Beliau mahu melantik saya sebagai Pengerusi Kelab Janda Corporate Comm kah? Beliau ingin masuk line duda saya kah? Beliau sebenarnya lesbo yang selama ini menunggu saya kembali single kah?

Jikalau anda pembaca blog ada jawapannnya, sila tulis di kotak komen.

PS -Yang saya pasti, dengan kandungan sudah 4 bulan, beliau tidak dapat mengesan keboyotan saya dan itu menunjukkan saya  masih hot *pengsan*.

PSS – Gambar diatas diambil semasa sambutan hari lahir anak kami yang ke-empat tengah bulan Januari lalu. Pada 30 Januari pula, Azman dan saya menyambut ulangtahun perkahwinan kami yang ke-enam. Saya ingin mengucap syukur atas kebahagiaan yang Allah berikat setakat ini. Walaupun kami tak kaya tapi semuanya mewah dan lebih dari mencukupi. Walaupun saya tidak  Kim Kardashian tapi saya berlaki lebih dari 70 hari. Apa aku merepek ni? Oh ya, doakan rumahtangga kami bahagia sampai ke syurga. Insya Allah!

 
Miki and Mommy in Jan 2009 – 4th Wedding Anniversary Dinner at Palace of Golden Horses

But that was almost 4 years ago. I was just 26 years young, healthy and active. In this second pregnancy, I will be delivering our new baby at the age THIRTY! Still healthy and active I am but is my metabolism still highly the same? Will I get my shape back this time around? What if I don’t? What if I got stuck looking like humpty dumpty forever? FOREVER? FOREVER??????

*mata berpinau lalu pengsan*

Maybe as I get “wiser”, I tend to worry a lot more too, no? Ah! Until July next year. Let’s just focus on the positives and after that kalau gumuk jugak kita diet sampai pengsan! Yay!

At all time my head would be spinning, my body aching, not to mention nauseous and vomiting. My tummy is so windy I wish I could BURP IT OUT or FART IT OUR but darn it! The wind stays there in my esophagus making me feel like I have swallowed a bowling ball whole.

Any preggers Mom out there reading this? CAN YOU FEEL ME? TELL YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE SWALLOWED A BOWLING BALL TOO! TELL ME YOU FEEL LIKE EATING LASAGNA  BUT ONCE IT TOUCHES YOU TONGUE, IT TASTED NOTHING BUT BITTER! Huwarghhh

I feel really bad looking at this abandoned blog. I wanna thank you all too for keep on visiting although I haven’t been updating. I would like to apologize to my readers, my loyal followers and of course to my blog sponsors for keeping the blog all dusty and boring. Do watch out for my new updates.

OK, aku nak pergi muntah jap! See ya…

I wanted to keep it a secret for 3-4 months but I got kantoi-ed at three different occasions.

One -I peed on the stick right on the day that I was supposed to raise my red flag. Immediately we saw the double lines so bright and clear. Talk about knowing my own body! We told Miki that he is going to be an Abang and he was pleased. The next day at breakfast, his friend from the babysitter’s sat at the next table with his parents. And Miki proudly declared to them at the restaurant, “MIKI NAK JADI ABANG!”.  Baru 2 hari dah kantoi.. thanks Miki.

Two  – I went to lunch with my colleagues and the road to Puncak Jalil was so freaking winding, the moment we pulled over back at the office, I puked out my entire RM15 lunch. Nasib baik RM15, kalau RM20?

Three – I was hungry and I posted a Facebook status that reminded my friends of the horror they had to face in dealing with the Ferocious Eating Monster three years ago. They knew me too well..Thanks buddies! I love you all too!

So there you go internet! Insya Allah I will be a Mom of two. Due date – July 2012. Been feeling badly sick and hungry almost immediately after I discovered the double lines. Which explains the absence of new entries in this blog.

But Mommy’s back now fellas!

Windy, boncit and bloated! I am loving it! Alhamdulillah…

She was indeed checking on my schedule but not to get my hair fix but to get my vajayjay slid!  In a gruesome case of e.p.i.s.i.o.t.o.m.y.  FOR MY SECOND BABY!

I said WHAT PREGNANCY? I have just gotten two rabbits? They can do the reproduction for me?!

Apparently someone in my huge family has mistaken me for someone else who is expecting. Terus I feeling2 pop star fofular sebab orang duk speku-speku I preggie.. boleh?

Anyway this question is really making me vomit blood la… Before Miki they kept asking about our first kid. Now that I am struggling with the first kid ( HAVE YOU NOT READ THE PREVIOUS ENTRY?) they kept asking about the second.

Gimme a break la people… I am young.. I am just twenty *cough*batukberdarah*cough* only.. I can still make babies like Kokades and Min Min do.. relax!

You know I still haven’t folded my maternity dresses from my last pregnancy yet! They are still there in the rest of the pile of laundry yet to be sorted and ironed and folded into the wardrobe. That was just two years ago? What’s the rush?

Speaking of maternity dresses. There is also another delaying factor that contributes to the lateness of Miki getting an adik. It is called the GEMUK FACTOR.

Here is my photo when I was six months pregnant. Not bad eh?? Just the nose only la… didn’t my nose look like a jambu air that could have won a Gold Medal at the County Fair? Besar penumbuk siot! 

6 months pregnant

And below are the photos of me at 7 months and 9 months pregnancy.  At 7 months, my gemukness was still bearable. Only I had become a little overwhelm with crazyness. That pic was taken during my niece and nephew’s birthday in Penang. I was high. On Obimin.

And as you can see at 9 months, I look absolutely gorgeous! Like a full bloom sweetness of rafflesia flower. Neatly tucked inside the stomach of a full grown hippo.

I was fat. I put on 20kilos. Miki was born 2.65kg only. The rest went to my butt, thighs, nose, arms, nose and nose. Although the weight disappeared almost immediately, seriously people, I am still traumatic from the shock of everytime I look into the mirror- “Azman!!! Ada badak masuk rumah!!!”

I thought he was just trying to amuse himself; I do that too you see, when I get bored I poke Azman’s eyeballs with my index finger and shout “Toing! Toing! Toing!” to his ear too.

Since I believe in karma; I thought my baby was just taking his father’s side so I just let him punish me instead of poking back at him. With the heel of my stilettos.

But when the jutting out of the fist MOVES in random motions, I am beginning to think that maybe my baby is trying to tell me something!

Its the DHA supplement you see, I think he is trying to scribble some kinda message to me. Like in The Exorcist. So do not think I am weird when you catch me staring so intently at my own tummy okay?; I am just trying to catch one of his scribblings, is it “GET ME OUTTA HERE!” or perhaps “ HEY MOMMY, HOOK ME UP WITH SURI WILL YA?” or better still he may be giving me a 4 digit number?! Who knows? I am sure now you are aware that it is extremely crucial that must not ignore the numbers his messages.

Last Thursday Azman and I were sitting on the couch watching TV when he tried to reach for the remote and accidently brush the left side of my tummy. Hard! It hurt, but only for about a minute. At that time the baby was doing his regular “Poke Mommy’s Tummy” dance routine on top of his other favourite routine called “Lets Create Earthquake at 8.13 on Richter Scale in Our Mom’s Womb”.

And then he just stopped!

I didn’t think much of it and enjoy the peace and calm effect of my baby sleeping throughout the night. But at dawn the next day, the baby was still quiet. Not even the slightest kick. I began to feel uneasy. A couple of hours later in the car I still couldn’t feel him move! Not at all.

And that is totally not our usual hyperactive kid! Normally he would swirl and kick and somersault like no body’s business once I got into a moving car and this time he was just not stirring! I looked at the time and realize that he has been static for 12 hours already! On nooooo!

As panic embraced, Azman and I took a turn from out route to the office and go the hospital instead. Thanks to the doctor she made me even more frightened when she asked for the reason I didn’t come immediately after the incident last night.
Explaining worst case scenarios, she said there was a possibility of detached placenta and the baby may be suffocating. OMG!

The doctor scanned my tummy and the baby’s heart seemed normal but the rhythm still required monitoring. So off I went for a CTG and for some reason it was done in THE LABOUR ROOM. If it wasn’t for my panicky heart, I would have requested for the procedure to be done at the morgue. I get less frightened there.

Thank goodness, praise Allah the Al-Mighty it was nothing serious just perhaps the baby was shocked when daddy disturbed him dancing the night before and sulked to his parent’s terror.

I swore to God at that time I will never poke on Azman’s eyeball again. Not even when he plays his guitar.

Not being able to walk very fast like I used to means taking longer time to check out the mega sale in Midvalley. Sometimes I get tired half way through and call it quit. Other time I reached Robinsons just in time for them to close down because I waddle instead of walk down from Isetan at the other end of The Gardens. I have been trying hard not to think of all the bargains that I have missed just because I walk very slowly. Rugi you know! Rugi! Tsk tsk!

But if I were to look at it from a different perspective – damn! That’s just 6 weeks before labour; 6 weeks before the haunting E.P.I.S.I.O.T.O.M.Y! Oh no!

And guess whats the biggest horror of all?!… tick tock tick tock! I only have 6 weeks to fully utilize my pregnancy craving coupons! I have been through eight months of baby carrying in my tummy and I only crave for buah kundang?!! That is pathetic at intense level!

Oh come on Diyana…I am sure I can think of something more fancy than that… Hmm… let’s see… meat of a white mousedear? Nope, can’t! Mousedear is an endangered species. Ahah! Jackfruit from the sultan’s minister’s garden! No.. thats too dangerous. He may ban me from blogging. How bout that Moroccan pigeon pie I saw in Bizzare Food last nite? Erk.. cannot lah, if I send Azman to Morrocco that would take him at least 4 days to and fro. Can’t afford that. Who’s gonna do the laundry?

Never mind lah. I think I mengidam this cukuplah. At The Curve oso got sell one… Azman no need to go far-far… kan Azman kan? Kan? Kan? Hint hint hint….

But instead Azman and I attended an antenatal class today, and we met the lovely MummyDini there. I did not recognize her,for she hardly uploads her picture in her blog. But she is so kind to say hello and I pray for her safe delivery in a couple of weeks.

So far my pregnancy has been pretty breezy, thank goodness and here are 5 things I love the most about being pregnant:

1) Husband does the dishes
2) Husband does the laundry
3) Husband supports excessive spending
4) Husband drives out to get large A&W root beer float at 1am
5) Sexy super huge boobs