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Kisah Kentut Yang Seram (The Creepy Fart Story)

The story below is written in Bahasa Melayu and it is my second post in that language. The first one is here. The story is adapted from a true account of an incident happened to a friend of mine in Putrajaya, two years ago. And because I have no intention whatsoever in protecting the innocence, I am letting you know that friend of mine is Bani!

Pada suatu hari, Bani sedang berjalan dengan pantas menuju ke pejabatnya. Pada waktu itu jam telah menunjukkan pukul 7.30malam. Sepanjang hari itu Bani telah mengular melakukan kerja-kerja luar pejabat dan apabila hari sudah malam barulah dia tergedik-gedik mahu menyiapkan garis tarikh dateline yang ada. Oh sungguh tidak berdisiplin Bani itu.

Keadaan di luar bangunan amat gelap sekali. Hujan renyai-renyai mulai turun membasahi bumi. Angin pula bertiup kencang menyebabkan Bani berpeluk tubuh kesejukan. Tiba-tiba Bani teringat kisah-kisah seram yang dialami oleh rakan-rakan sekerjanya. Kata mereka, di bangunan ini ada seekor Pontianak yang sering menganggu jejaka-jejaka yang tampan. Selama ini Bani memang tidak penah diganggu kerana dia memang sedikit pun tidak tampan. ( Tapi manisnya ada). Di Tingkat 4 juga ada seekor hantu. Akan tetapi hantu itu tidak dapat dihalau dengan bacaan suci Al-Quran. Sebaliknya, ia hanya boleh dihalau dengan memecat bapa mertuanya saja. Oh sungguh menakutkan sekali hantu itu! Apa tidaknya, aweknya juga dikatakan Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam.

Semasa Bani sedang berdiri di lobi bangunan sambil menunggu ketibaan lif, tiba-tiba Bani terasa seram-seram sejuk. Kedengaran deru angin yang menyayat hati dari luar tidak berhenti-henti. Bani pun memandang ke kiri dan kekanan. Alangkah anehnya tiada seorang pun manusia yang berada di lobi ketika itu. Sebenarnya tiada apa yang aneh kerana pekerja kerajaan memang sering balik awal.

Tak guna punya lif, kata beliau, cepatlah sikit! Entah mengapa lif dari tingkat atas lambat benar turun ke tingkat bawah. Bani berasa bulu roma ditengkuknya mulai berdiri tegak. Adakah kerana di bangunan Jabatan Perdana Menteri bulu roma Bani ingin menunjukkan ertikata patriotisma dengan menyanyikan lagu Negaraku? Tiba-tiba Bani terdengar suara wanita berbisik-bisik. Dengan pantas Bani berpaling ke belakang! Alangkah leganya hati Bani apabila melihat beberapa orang perkerja pejabat menuju kearahnya. Sekurang-kurangnya ada juga orang untuk menemaniku didalam lif, kata Bani didalam hati.

Akhirnya lif yang ditunggu-tunggu tiba jua. Dengan hati yang lapang Bani pun melangkah masuk dan diikuti oleh rombongan Cik Kiah tadi. Bani menekan butang 3 dan terus berdiri di hadapan pintu lif. Tiba-tiba Bani dilanda satu permasalahan lagi. Beliau ingin terkentut. Perkara ini memang tidak dapat dielakkan kerana Bani memang sering terkentut apabila cuaca sejuk. Bayangkanlah keserangsaraan teman wanita beliau semasa keluar menonton wayang di TGV KLCC yang suhunya dibawah paras beku itu. (Sekarang Bani tiada teman wanita, siapa berminat sila tinggalkan nombor talipon)

Terpaksalah Bani berdiri terkepit-kepit sementara menunggu rombongan Cik Kiah keluar di tingkat 2. Beliau tidak berani melepaskan angin secara curi-curi kerana natijahnya mungkin akan menyebabkan kemuntahan darah dikalangan ahli rombongan Cik Kiah. Maka Bani harus menunggu… dan menunggu… aahh.. lif cabuk itu bergerak amat perlahan sekali…

Akhirnya rombongan Cik Kiah keluar juga di tingkat 2. Bani tersenyum lebar. Dengan kiraan satu dua tiga; sebaik saja pintu lif tertutup semula; Bani pun melepaskan bom nya… Prroooottt!! Ah leganyaa, kata Bani dengan kuat. Maklumlah hanya beliau seorang didalam lif itu.

Tiba-tiba kedengaran suara wanita sayup-sayup ketawa. Jantung Bani berhenti berdegup. Pontianak ada dalam lif inikah? Wajah Bani serta-merta pucat bagai disalut tepung gomak.Dengan perasaan cemas yang menyesakkan dada, perlahan-lahan Bani memberanikan diri untuk memalingkan mukanya ke belakang….. dan….

Jeng jeng jeng….

SEORANG GADIS ROMBONGAN CIK KIAH MASIH BELUM KELUAR DARI LIF!!!

Kedua-dua tangan gadis itu ditekup ke muka. Beliau sedang berusaha bersungguh-sungguh menahan ketawa dan sekaligus menyelamatkan dirinya daripada keracunan gas beracun. Bani berasa ingin pengsan. Sebaiknya dia tiba di pejabat, dia terus menulis surat meletak jawatan.

Begitulah kisah kentut yang seram daripada saya.

Sekian terima kasih.

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Places To Eat That I Wanna Go Again – Langkawi

When I was in Langkawi last year I got the chance to have a late breakfast at Tun Mahathir’s Japanese bakery and bistro, The Loaf. Situated at Telaga Harbour Park, Pantai Kok, The Loaf is so freaking awesome! The location is simply perfect; the scenery gorgeous; the food fantastic!

The other thing that makes me remember my dining experience there was the music that was playing. It was a nostalgic refreshing fusion of both local and international song; so lovely to the ears that my friend actually asked the waiter where did he get the cd.

The waiter had replied in a rather thick Langkawi accent; that the other waiter had made the cd himself. Well, sorry dear Tun, I didn’t mean to disclose the fact that your bakery plays pirated cds but whatta hell at least the songs were great!

I cant remember the name of the sandwich that I ate. It was huge and delicious. Served with crisp salad. I was 4 months pregnant and I finished everything up. Not that the pregnancy had influenced the appetite though.

There is another The Loaf in KL but it is right in heart of the city and I hate going to the area. So till I go to Langkawi again or till someone wanna gimme a treat at The Loaf KL; Tun Mahathir’s bakery on the paradise island is still in my list of nice dining place to re-visit.

Sandwich The Loaf bakery Tun Dr Mahathir Langkawi delicious food

Sandwich The Loaf bakery Tun Dr Mahathir Langkawi delicious food

Sandwich The Loaf bakery Tun Dr Mahathir Langkawi delicious food

By the way, as I don’t go back to bed after sahur everyday, I was thinking about breaking my own personal record and spend 15 minutes to update this blog EVERYDAY ( gasp!). Bukan apa, I know you guys are not in the mood of working already having it is the last week before Raya; so you guys can have something to read lah.. hehe

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The Toyota Way

When talking about manufacturing, most of production members cannot stop talking about Toyota ways of production system. Their system has been considered as one of the best and has been followed by most of establish company. Toyota principles were known as The Toyota Way and it have 14 management principles on it.

The main ideas are to base management decisions on a “philosophical sense of purpose”, to think long term, to have a process for solving problems, to add value to the organization by developing its people, and to recognize that continuously solving root problems drives organizational learning. The Toyota Way has been called “a system designed to provide the tools for people to continually improve their work”

The 14 principles of The Toyota Way are organized in four sections:
1) Long-Term Philosophy – Principle 1
2) The Right Process Will Produce the Right Results – Principle 2 to 8
3) Add Value to the Organization by Developing Your People – Principle 9 to 11
4) Continuously Solving Root Problems Drives Organizational Learning. – Principle 12 to 14

Below was the list of those 14 principles;

Principle 1
Base your management decisions on a long-term philosophy, even at the expense of short-term financial goals.
People need purpose to find motivation and establish goals.

Principle 2
Create a continuous process flow to bring problems to the surface.
Work processes are redesigned to eliminate waste (muda) through the process of continuous improvement — kaizen.

Principle 3
Use “pull” systems to avoid overproduction.

Principle 4
Level out the workload (heijunka). (Work like the tortoise, not the hare).
This helps achieve the goal of minimizing waste (muda), not overburdening people or the equipment (muri), and not creating uneven production levels (mura).

Principle 5
Build a culture of stopping to fix problems, to get quality right the first time.
Quality takes precedence (Jidoka). Any employee in the Toyota Production System has the authority to stop the process to signal a quality issue.

Principle 6
Standardized tasks and processes are the foundation for continuous improvement and employee empowerment.

Principle 7
Use visual control so no problems are hidden.
Included in this principle is the 5S Program – steps that are used to make all work spaces efficient and productive, help people share work stations, reduce time looking for needed tools and improve the work environment.

* Sort: Sort out unneeded items
* Straighten: Have a place for everything
* Shine: Keep the area clean
* Standardize: Create rules and standard operating procedures
* Sustain: Maintain the system and continue to improve it

Principle 8
Use only reliable, thoroughly tested technology that serves your people and processes.
Technology is pulled by manufacturing, not pushed to manufacturing.

Principle 9
Grow leaders who thoroughly understand the work, live the philosophy, and teach it to others.

Principle 10
Develop exceptional people and teams who follow your company’s philosophy.
Teams should consist of 4-5 people and numerous management tiers. Success is based on the team, not the individual.

Principle 11
Respect your extended network of partners and suppliers by challenging them and helping them improve.
Toyota treats suppliers much like they treat their employees, challenging them to do better and helping them to achieve it. Toyota provides cross functional teams to help suppliers discover and fix problems so that they can become a stronger, better supplier.

Principle 12
Go and see for yourself to thoroughly understand the situation (Genchi Genbutsu).
Toyota managers are expected to “go-and-see” operations. Without experiencing the situation firsthand, managers will not have an understanding of how it can be improved.

Principle 13
Make decisions slowly by consensus, thoroughly considering all options; implement decisions rapidly (nemawashi).

Principle 14
Become a learning organization through relentless reflection (hansei) and continuous improvement (kaizen).

With this good system, no wonder Toyota produce a reliable car in the market for its customer.

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