It is really easy you know! Just do like what some people do to me.

First ask me about when I will get pregnant for more than 5 times in a week. Then launch a lecture on why we should have a baby as early as possible each and every time we meet.

On top of that you can also tell me how to plan for my life in vivid details expressing the well known taboo saying that if a lady delays her pregnancy for a few months; chances are she will never get a child at all. Please tell that to me as though my highest education level is standard 3 mid term exam and there is not a slightest chance that I may even be smarter than you; in which you just don’t know it because all these while I have been respecting your feelings!

For best result (the pontianak of me will not only haunt you but your next 7 generations as well); you can teach me the optimum way of MAKING A BABY. Please do it casually as though you are teaching me how to make cekodok pisang, make sure not a speck of shame sprinkle out of you while blather on and on about the dos and dont’s of getting conceived.

And while you are at that, don’t forget to ignore the utter look of repugnance (at this point I begin to reach out for my samurai sword already and beginning to despise you very-very much already) that is displaying on my greenish blue face.

If you believe in a lot of other extremely stupid taboos and ridiculous tips of planning your baby’s sex according to the orbit of the moon, don’t hesitate to teach me, I will automatically puke not only blood but use my toes to tear out my ears as well.

For implementing above methods, please utilize all the channels of communications that are available in this century, not only when meeting me face to face but when you call me on the telephone, by text msg, by yahoo messenger and hey! Don’t forget I do check my mails regularly!! So write me at length all about there-is-nothing-in-this-planet-that-you-can-do-but-be-obsessive-about pregnancies!

The last time a friendly soul did this to me I did not wait till I start to puke. Instead I just avoid that freaking person all together. So I guess these simplified methods not only applies when you want me dead of compulsiveness but simply if you just want to get rid of me or me getting rid of you.

Happy Trying!!

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What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom ofchoice concerning growing a mustache. You always know where you are and never have to ask directions. You can do Christmas shopping for 25relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

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Hahaha!!! The one who writes this joke is comedy genius. I laugh so hard when I read it. Do check it out :

Belum habis lagi berpuasa Datin CT telah pun mendapat kuih raya hadiah dari Datuk K. CT tersangat happy. Nak tahu kuih apa???Batang Buruk!!!!

Talk about raya, I really can’t recall when was the last time I felt so zealous and excited about celebrating raya the way I am feeling this year. Perhaps because now we have a house of our own, that I can decorate suiting to my psycho psychedelic flava. Hahaha!

My mama will pengsan if I switch her pale beige carpet to a blood red one. Only Azman je can live in a house with crimson couch with yellow lantern kot!!..hahaha!

I also make kuih raya this year, being a pathetic beginner that does not know the difference between shortening and lemak sayuran, I start off with the easiest recipe :

Toasted Honey Cornflakes with Almond

Ingredients:
7 cups of cornflakes
1 cup of butter
3/4 cup of honey
2 cups of almond slices (toasted)
Cherries

Methods:
Pour softened butter and honey onto bowl of cornflakes and almonds then mix well.Place in cookie cups, sprinkle tiny bits of cherry and bake in 170º for 10 minutes to make them chrunchy.

I plan to engross myself with these tasty tidbits while watching those sad teary Raya dramas and totally ignore those spunky kids who will be trying to squeeze the duit raya outta me… hehe!

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