This entry is precisely about breastfeeding and for goodness sake, when you are breastfeeding, it doesn’t matter how much you try, you just cant help but to talk about boobs. The Great Big Lactating Boobs!

After breastfeeding my son for five months, on 23 June 2008, my right milk tank was suddenly engorged! Engorged for no reason that I can think of except maybe for watching Mariah Carey’s Touch My Body video and thinking wow! Could that be real?

It started sometime around 4pm when I felt slight throbbing indicating that some nursing or pumping need to be done immediately. But Miki was asleep and I was busy so I figured an hour or two later wouldn’t do no harm.

I forgot about the pain as the baby woke up and I nurse him like I normally do; it might still be there but I was too busy to notice. By 7 the pain started to get a little bit on the way. We were out getting dinner and the moment we got home, I quickly used my electric pump but to my surprise only an ounce of milk was expressed. Oh why so little when it felt like have a whole Lake Toba full of fluid in The Boob?

From that moment on, my breastfeeding nightmare had started. Ladies and gentlemen; you aint feeling no pain until you feel your breast engorged. Trust me; I almost lose my mind! I felt like there’s a nasty prickly porcupine inside The Boob and its growing larger by the minute. At the same time it felt like The Boob was on fire and huge rock hard lumps began to appear. I repeat APPEAR. TO THE NAKED EYES. Horror!

The pain was unbearable. I tried everything. Warm towels to sirih leaves to hot shower. Azman even heat up the tungku for me. Can you imagine? I tungku my boob. When that didn’t help; I used the iron. And I am not kidding.

By ten o’clock I was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t lay down. Not on my back, not on my side.No milk comes out, Miki’s nursing was no help. I was sure then that I was gonna be featured in The Guinness Book of Record; as the first person in the world died of an exploded boob.

I was lucky it was already nighttime; or else I would have gone to the doctor and ask for a mastectomy just about anything that could make the pain go away. Even if it was a jab that could make me stop breastfeeding altogether. Yes it was THAT serious!

It was getting late and I was so tired but too much in pain to do anything but pull my hair out. I tried to pump countless times but still the milk just wouldn’t flow. At last I apply some gamat balm on the lumps that by then have already grown as big as a brick. The agony you cannot think of.

I felt asleep for perhaps 15 minutes while sitting up on the bed. It was already 3 in the morning. This was far more terribble than a contraction or worse - a facial. It was pure torture! Oh what have I done to deserve this? Mariah Carey! Forgive me! Yes your boobs are real! I admit! Release me from this pain…. Pleaseeeeee……

I tried expressing the milk manually and only a few drops come out. I massage the burning lumps painstakingly while writing my will; if I got killed by the explosion of the mammary gland; Miki will inherit my Adsense income., its final. The pain was excruciating beyond any words that I can say…

I was dying… dying….

Then I heard Miki crying…The moment I nurse him with my turbojet missile boob, the milk begin to flow like magic. It overflowed until his face was wet. The lump soften and then gone… together with the pain, within just a minute or two.

Thank God I survived through out the whole ordeal and I live to tell the tale, tale of the anguish of producing world most expensive milk.

New mothers out there, good luck. Count on me for the truth. When you look into my baby’s eyes, as he stares back right into yours… There is no pain in this world that you can’t endure…I will nurse my baby forever more..

Happy Breastfeeding.

20 Comments » | 26 views

When are you guys gonna buy a house? We get that question all the time. And I mean alllllll the time. Asked by everyyyyybody. Even when I have a pimple the size of my nose on my nose; they’d still ask about our house. Oh I am so vomiting blood already! Need I not mention the unsolicited advice that follows that one? Like how we must buy a house now because the price will surely double in like 5 seconds (vomit blood) and how we must buy a house in Semenyih cause Semenyih is like hawt! (double vomit blood)

Sometimes I feel sorry for these people; I know exactly how they feel. In fact there’s not much different between us. I can’t sleep at night. They can’t sleep at night. I cant sleep coz my baby wants to play peekaboo at 3am; they cant sleep coz their nosy selves are thinking when Diyanazman can afford a property at 3am. Busy-bodying can be tiring yes?

Anyhow Azman and I HAVE been looking for a place to call our own recently. We both wanted a house instead of an apartment, now that’s set. Then comes location. We have decided that Bandar Kinrara in Puchong; our current neighborhood will be called our permanent home.

So there we go having an answer to all those guys that have nothing better to ask. We are pleased to answer Yes, we are surveying the properties in Kinrara now. I thought that should quiet them down but nope! I guess I am wrong again. The answer is good for creasing their eyebrows only.

Why Kinrara? they ask. It must be Bangi! Bangi! Bangi!! Diyanazman must stay in Bangi! Diyana works in Putrajaya and Azman’s office is in Bangi. It’s a lovely neighbourhood and parking is free. There is one MacDonalds and two KFC. What else could Diyanazman wants? Nosy people vote – BANDAR BARU BANGI!

I want so much to scream to them the ultimate truth – I CANT LIVE THERE?! THERE IS NO GIANT IN BANGI!!!! But they will probably think that I am crazy so instead I tell them the second ultimate truth – It rains petrol here in Kinrara. Not just any petrol; SUBSIDIZED PETROL! FROM THE GOVERNMENT!

Paah!

It is pretty annoying having to explain this whole thing, and I do hope people will go easy on questioning and start scrutinizing on my pimple again. We have narrowed down our choices to three houses, I will blog bout that later.

9 Comments » | 15 views

Dear Miki,

Today you age 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days old. It seems just like yesterday when I suffered the haunting e.p.i.s.i.o.t.o.m.y over you. Looking at how fast time flies, I am inspired to write open letters to you. I hope someday when you are old enough to read and understand what your parents write in this website, you have already know how much they are devoted to you and how much they deserve an anniversary honeymoon in Paris, all expenses paid by you.

Miki,

Ever since you were born, you have always been a good baby. You only cry if you are hungry, or sleepy, and when I leave the room. Sometimes when the ghost(s) from Giant Kinrara follows us home, you will cry too but you never fuss over petty things like when I accidently bump your head on the car ceiling and on the wall beside our bed and this other time when I… well I think we can forget about what happened during that other time. You can even sleep with poopoo in your diaper! Thats how cool you are!

But last week you turn cranky. Amok is your new habit, and its rather difficult to cajole you back to your usually cheerful self and to get you to play on your own. You begin to bite at your toys, books, blankie, your toes, my fingers, my teats! Usually you only suck on those things as if they were a pacifier. Your Daddy and I figured that perhaps you are teething and that is causing you much discomfort. You have all the signs like excessive salivation, bad mood and chewing on objects. What else could it be?

But your babysitter, Kak Rose indicated a different thing. She thinks YOU ARE HUNGRY. That you must be given FOOD! After much thinking we realize that yes perhaps you are no longer satisfied with milk alone. After all you have grown so big and strong it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you are in need of more. My initial aim is to introduce solid food to you when you are six months old, but I guess you cannot wait.

So today I feed you your first solid food, which really not solid at all – its avocado puree mix with expressed breast milk. You love it! I am so surprised! I thought you would eat maybe a teaspoon or two but you gulp down about 20! You made funny faces when the puree first touches your mouth and then you started to get really excited and gobble down the creamy green puree like its the most delicious thing in the world. You wave your limbs about and open your eyes so wide I am afraid they are gonna pop. It makes me wonder how you will react to chocolate someday?

Miki,

You fell asleep right after I clean up your messy face. Such a lazy bum you are, I wonder where you get that from!? And when you wake up you were all happy and laughing and talking to us in your adorable baby talk. And much to my astonishment, your excessive slobbering stop. Completely stop. Could you have been hungry for food ever since you started to drool? Boy oh boy! I didn’t know that all these days you have been KEBULUR?! Or perhaps you have just mastered the fine art of swallowing your saliva? I’d vote for the latter. Oh dear, my cheerful smiley baby returns immediately after I stuff you with gooey gooey green mash! Sob!

Miki my baby, you have grown so big! Look at you, you are eating! Soon you will go to school and I do your homework…. Then you will go on dates and I drive you in cars… Isk isk…! I hope you will remember that you are not allowed to date girls from THAT state of Malaysia! Its a lesson I taught you since birth. Isk Isk.. Mummy and Daddy loves you endlessly, Miki! Fret not my darling,if you ever choke on your kuih apam puree, Mummy will always be there for ya..

Lots of love from your Mummy.

26 Comments » | 18 views