Pat Pong, Bangkok City of Sin

My friends Rogayah and Badul (not their real names, tak bagi nama tapi bagi link boleh???) have highly recommended in a very persistent way that I go to Pat Pong while I was in Bangkok recently. They said I wouldn’t wanna miss the experience of watching the popular ping pong show at the popular tourist attraction!

Like me, Azman had never been to this place either despite having gone to Bangkok several times mainly because his Japanese co-worker was afraid that Azman is actually a Muslim terrorist in disguise as Sony engineer. Have you not seen my husband’s goatee?? Just kidding, he has never gone there perhaps because he was not there with adventurous friends.

I too was not adventurous enough.

To get to Pat Pong, we took the BTS Skytrain Silom Line and got off at Sala Daeng Station. From the station, it took about 2 minutes walk to Pat Pong Night Bazaar. The Bazaar is on a stretch of street with dozens of bars on either side.
From the open doors you can already see the dancing girls in bikini. Come to think about it I am not sure if they were girls or boys that had gotten their twinkee cut off.

As we walked from the station to the bazaar, Azman stopped to take this photo.

Then a guy came to us and muttered something in Thai. Like I said, I know I resemble very much like Tata Young so the mistake was completely understandable. (Please clean after your blood vomit, thank you!) After seeing our blank expressions he realized that we were tourists thus he put on his most enthusiastic face and invited us to his bar. He said it just the way Dory told Marlin where the big white boat went, “It is right this way, follow me!”

He said “LIVE SEX SHOW? COME ON!!”

Aku rebah ke lantai lalu pengsan disitu juga ko!

After we declined, another man approached us. He was holding a tattered sheet of paper that looked like a restaurant menu. It was indeed a menu. But not listing choices of food or drinks.

It was a list of acts that super Thai vajayjay can do. I am not kidding.

1. P*ssy shoot pingpong ball
2. P*ssy write letter
3. P*ssy blow candle
4. P*ssy open Coke bottle
5. ….
6. ………

And the list goes on up to 15 to 20 items altogether. This time I didn’t pengsan. I was so amazed! I mean these women, they have really great talent! THEY CAN WRITE LETTERS, GUYS!!!! USING THEIR VAJAYJAY!! Do they start with Dear Sir? Do they sing Happy Birthday before they blow that candle? WITH THEIR VAJAYJAY??

It was amazing, yes! And deep inside my heart this lady curiosity (or was it the satan?) telling “Go! Go watch the amazing fefets!! You want to see this… you do!!”

But my intellectual self was saying “IF JEMAAH ISLAMIAH BOMBS THIS PLACE, YOUR NEXT 7 GENERATION WILL BE KNOWN AS DECENDANTS OF A COUPLE THAT DIED WHILE WATCHING P*SSY SHOOTING FRUITS AND OFFICE SUPPLIES.”

And just where would I put my already dead face then?

Besides, if I go and see the letter-writing fefets. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from correcting her spelling and that would be rude!

I told the man that I wanted to go shopping not see the show. He insisted that shopping can be done till 2 in the morning but now it wass happy hour. Strictly no cover charges just buy a drink – beer or soda. It was hard getting away from him.

Throughout the long stretch of road, we were approached this way by many pimps. With same approach, same things on the menu.

The air reeked alcohol and hard core maksiat.

Somehow I feel like the entire Bangkok has that atmosphere around it. Everywhere you looked at you see sleazy Thai girls with their arms around white men. On the streets they were practically lining up waiting for customers. They were everywhere!

And yet the Thais are very religious people. The LCD panel on their train showed their high Buddhist priest giving khutbah a speech; temples everywhere and people are flocking to give offerings and prayers. Almost everyone I see wear religious amulet around their neck and adorn their cars with photos of their priests and Buddha. At the same time they were also selling pirated DVD with signs PORNO *NEW*. How contradicting!

Haven’t this highly-exposed-by-media priest advice the people not to shoot ping pong balls with their p*ssy? And get people pay to watch it? Aren’t their highly worshipped King and Queen feeling the smallest pinch of embarrassment with what their people are doing for living? These are question I know very difficult to answer.

I thank God that I am in Malaysia. I thank God that I still feel the way I do. God save me.

Pat Pong Night Bazaar. Here is not a place to shop, the sellers are bloodsucking, neck-choking overpricing their imitation goods. A pair of children’s pirated Man United kit costs RM100. In Malaysia it is only Rm19.90.

Busy streets near Pat Pong. Brothels disguising as spa, pubs and clubs. Can’t be seen in the photo but the whores are loitering around waiting for customers.